When they handed me my baby, I felt like he was a little strange being I had just met. Am I a bad mother?

Dear friend,

I'll start by telling you something very, very important to you: not knowing how to feel what you're saying is not making you a bad mother. Motherhood, with its enormous and untapped territory, is full of feelings that may seem as unfamiliar as the day your child first went to school.

When your baby was born, maybe, in some part of your heart, you felt him to be an alien creature, as though he was not entirely a part of your life at that time. And I can assure you, dear, this is far more normal than you would think. It does not mean there is anything wrong with you or with him.

The initial days with a baby are like trekking through a jungle, where all is new, bewildering, and sometimes even a little frightening. Your baby, so fragile and vulnerable, is an entirely different person, and you, too, are learning about yourself with each glance, each wail, each tiny movement. The connection does not always materialize at once, as fairy tales would have us imagine.

Sometimes, affection and connection grow slowly, like a seed that needs time, water, and sunlight to flourish. During this process, it’s totally normal to feel overwhelmed, even distant, because what you’re experiencing is a transformation of your life and yourself.

Please, don't feel guilty about that feeling of strangeness. It's all part of the process. There is no one right path or manner of living as a mother. Like the best fairy tales, every mother has her own specific journey.

The key is to be honest with yourself, to allow yourself to feel what you're feeling, and to trust that love will find you in due time. And if you find yourself lost along the way, don't forget that help is at hand — either in the arms of others who have traversed this route or in the voice of those who truly understand.

Reaching out for help is never weakness, but it is courage, such as the bravest of wizards.

No, dear friend, you are not a bad mother. You are a mother who, like the rest of us, is doing the best that you can and learning this new and sometimes befuddling portion of life along the way. And that is simply human.

With all my love and compassion,

Your counselor, 

Serafina

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